Crash Course in Motherhood
by car.car.135
Summary: The title sucks. Based off of the request Brennan had for Booth in the last episode minus the whole Booth in the hospital thing. Booth agrees to be the sperm donor on one condition. Rating will just stay T, to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**Booth's POV**

She was insane! I mean, asking me to be the father of her baby in _therapy_? Sometimes I wonder what is going on inside that giant brain of hers. If I was Sweets, I would tell myself the reason I was so angry with her was because she already knew what I was going to say. How could I possibly say no to that woman? Besides, I would never be able to handle her raising the spawn of satan.

My nervous pacing around my living room came to a gradual stop and I sat down defeated. Who was I kidding? My reasons behind agreeing to this are absolutely and completely selfish. If this was as close as I was going to get to a relationship with her, then I would take it.

A knock at the door startled me, and I looked at the clock confusedly. It was almost midnight, who was there? I looked through the peephole in my door to see Bones, looking more vulnerable than I had ever seen her. I opened the door and she blew past me into the house, all previous vulnerability seemingly wiped away.

When she was comfortably seated on my couch I asked, "So, what brings you to my neck of the woods?"

She looked confused and opened her mouth probably to spew out some squint speak about how this area was not a particularly deciduous area and therefore could never meet the classifications of a forest and I silenced her with an explanation, "It's just an expression Bones. It means I'm wondering what your doing at my house at midnight."

"I apologize for my inconvenient timing," she told me not looking the least bit sorry, "But I was not able to sleep without knowing your answer to my question. I need to be able to find a suitable donor if your sperm isn't available to me."

"Jeez Bones," I replied sarcastically, "You sure do know how to make a guy feel special."

"I didn't realize I needed to compliment you in exchange for sperm," she replied, oblivious to my obvious sarcasm; a quality I had once found annoying but had recently become endearing.

"Of course I'll give it to you Bones," I told her, "Your my best friend and I want you to be happy. Besides, do you really want to raise Fisher's kid?"

"Fisher and my child would certainly be intelligent," she replied objectively, before her face shifted into a teasing smile, "Although I really don't want to raise a depressed little forensic anthropologist who in all honesty looks like a deformed animal."

I laughed aloud at her unscientific statement, in shock that she had uttered the words that I had been thinking, "Wow Bones, that's got to be a blow to his self esteem. Having a beautiful woman turn down his intelligent sperm in favor of not as intelligent sexy sperm."

She raised an eyebrow and said, "Feeling cocky today, are we?"

I smiled and pointed at my belt buckle in reply. She shook her head in exasperation, but I could see the smile she was trying to hide. We sat staring at each other, our faces gradually sliding back into their original positions. I looked at her and tried to picture her carrying my child.

Bones would be a great mom, I was sure of it. She may come off cold and distant, but underneath the facade is the wealth of emotion she is too afraid to show. I tried to imagine her belly swollen with my child, and I felt the pain even just imagining that I would have no part in this child's life. I wouldn't get to see all of it's firsts and only get to observe it growing up from afar.

Bones seemed to sense my discomfort and asked, "Is everything all right Booth?"

Our eyes met and I shook my head no saying, "Bones, I would like to add one condition to my sperm."

"Okay..." she replied, waiting for me to state what the condition was.

"I will give you my sperm if you take care of Parker for one entire day," I told her, "All by yourself. No babysitter, no dad, not even me. If you even want a baby after that I will take that as a sign that you are most definitely ready for a child."

"But Parker is 10 years old Booth," she argued, "He is nothing like a baby would be."

"Honestly Bones," I sighed, "I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. You do realize that babies grow up, right? You know, into children? If you're going to do this on your own, I need to be absolutely certain that you are 100 percent ready for our baby."

"I understand Booth," she replied, hurt evident in her voice, "You don't believe I would be a good mother."

"Bones I think you're going to be a great mom," I replied mentally scolding myself for not phrasing my words better, "I just think you've used too much logic in this. Kids don't use logic. They do things on a whim, and I just don't think you realize the responsibility you're taking on here."

"That is an extremely reasonable argument Booth," she said surprised, "I guess you've been spending a lot more time with the squints than you originally planned. I have to say, it has only helped you."

"See Bones?" I said quickly reverting into playful teasing, "That's exactly what you should have done when asking me for my guys but better late than never, right?"

"My thoughts exactly," she replied. I stuck my hand out for her to shake.

"So," I said, "Do we have a deal?"

"We have a deal," she confirmed, and we shook on it.

"I have Parker this weekend," I told her, "So I'll drop him off at your house at 6:30 in the morning on Saturday. That's what time he's usually up so we can watch cartoons."

"I don't have a television," she replied with a patronizing tone. I smiled insipidly at her.

"Well that's one thing that is most definitely going to change before you have a baby," I told her, "So either get one in the next week or improvise. Whatever you choose to do you get him at 6:30. His bed time is 9 o clock on the weekends so bring him over to my place and you can put him to bed. Then you can reevaluate whether you want a child or not."

She got a defiant look on her face and said to me, "I can't wait."

Getting up, she thanked me for not kicking her out even though it was past midnight now and left quickly. Having settled the battle raging inside of me, I was finally able to gall into a peaceful sleep.

A/N: So I've lately been writing stories completely on a whim. This one is going to be either a twoshot or threeshot. I haven't decided yet. If it's a twoshot, the next chapter will at least be double this one. Review mes amis! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Brennan's POV

Parker was coming here today. I couldn't believe that I was going to take care of him for the whole day, or the fact that Booth trusted me enough to let me do that. Despite my misgivings, I was extremely excited. The fact that Booth wants me to take care of Parker for a while means he is serious about giving me his sperm for a child.

I know asking Booth to be the father of my child would change the dynamic of our partnership, even though I saw no reason for anything to be changed. Booth would be the one to change it. I know he would be over more often, even more protective, and exercising his alpha male tendencies to an extreme. My reasons behind wanting his sperm were extremely selfish.

The logic I used to placate my guilty conscious was that Booth was already a wonderful father and would therefore be good to our child, even if he wouldn't really be allowed to be its father but if I was truly honest with myself, I asked him out of fear. If we had a child together, Booth would never leave. Even when he found someone he loved and wanted to spend the rest of his life with he would never abandon our child. Objectively, I observed it doesn't hurt that he is aesthetically pleasing.

The doorbell rang and I mentally steeled myself for the day. I then went to open the door to two smiling Booth boys.

"Hey Bones," Booth said to me, his eyes twinkling with mirth, "You ready for him?"

I let out a shaky sigh and told him I was. Booth turned to his son and sent him a silent message. Something clicked in the boys head and he turned to me and said, "Good morning Doctor Bones. Thanks for watching me today. My daddy says we're going to have a lot of fun today."

"We sure are Parker," I told him, hoping I was able to keep that promise, "Would you and your father like to come in?"

"Do you even have to ask Bones?" Booth replied, already trying to nudge me out of the way, "Do you have anything to eat? I'm starving and I'm pretty sure Parker is too, right bub?"

"Right dad!" he exclaimed, "Do you have any cereal?"

"I actually just bought some new cereal," I replied, "You can go look and see if you like anything."

"Okay, dad do you want any?" he asked.

"Sure bub," Booth replied, "I'll have whatever you decide on."

He said okay and then walked into the kitchen to retrieve what he wanted.

Booth turned toward me and said, "Since when do you eat cereal?"

"I went to the store and asked someone that worked there what a 10 year old boy and a 37 year old would like to eat for breakfast," I replied, "Despite the age difference, the answer was remarkably similar."

"Ha ha ha," he replied sarcastically, with a real smile on his face. His mood was infectious so I couldn't help but return the smile. Parker walked, two bowls of recess puffs perched precariously in his arms.

"Daddy I got you the bigger bowl because you always eat more than me," he said, milk sloshing extremely close to the edge of the bowl. Booth grabbed his bowl quickly, before it could become a stain in my otherwise flawless carpet and started shoveling what could basically be classified as sugar and food dye into his mouth faster than any normal human should have been able to.

"Thanks for breakfast Bones," he said as he finished his 2 servings of cereal, "But I really have to run. I told Cullen I would be in to finish the paperwork on our last case. Bring him back to my house at 8:30 and you can put him to bed. I'll see you later bub."

"Bye dad!" Parker exclaimed, running to hug his father, thankfully putting his cereal bowl down first. The door slammed shut as Booth left and I realized that I was alone with Parker. I panicked at first and opened the door to call Booth back and tell him I couldn't do this.

I didn't need to worry. Standing outside of my door was an extremely cocky looking Booth, his body language emulating the phrase, "I told you so".

"Giving up already Bones?" he said, amusement evident in his tone. My face flared up in anger and embarrassment but I quickly controlled myself.

"You wish Booth," I said, "I just forgot to wish you good luck with your paperwork. Hope you have fun at your desk all day."

His smile faltered slightly, but it stayed in place. "Thanks for that Bones," he replied, "But you really should get back to my son. You should never leave a child unattended. I thought you of all people would know that."

I felt the urge to hit him come and go as he walked down my hallway and to the elevator. I turned back into my apartment to hear the sound of cartoons playing a child laughing. I sighed, realizing this may be the hardest day of my life.

Mentally preparing myself, I sighed and walked into the room with my brand new television. Parker turned to acknowledge my presence and asked, "So Doctor Bones, what are we doing today?"

A/N: I may actually extend this to four chapters. Sorry it took so long but this is the quickest update I've ever done. Comment on what you want them to do. I have no idea what's in D.C. that's fun for kids. I'm born and bred in the O.C. so all i know is beaches. Next chapter probably wont be up for a week or so. It's memorial weekend!!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for all of the amazing reviews! Despite all of your wonderful suggestions, I decided to just bring Parker to the lab. Sorry it took me so long. My little sister had to have surgery and I stayed at my aunts house, who doesn't even know the meaning of WiFi. Then when I got home I had to spend all my time battling the evil monster that is my mother b/c she was staying with us :/.

Brennan's POV:

I turned and saw Parker sitting there. He was staring at me inquisitively and I could practically feel the nervous energy coming off of him.

"Dr. Bones," he began, "My daddy says you and I are going to hang out today. Do you have anything planned for us?"

"Yes Parker, I was actually thinking we could go to the Mall of America. There are a lot of museums and educational places that could greatly benefit a young mind such as yours," I replied satisfied with my choice. When I saw his facial expression I realized I must have made a mistake.

"Sorry Dr. Bones," he said sheepishly with his father's charm smile on, "But I kind of hoped we were going to the lab. I really wanted to hang out with the squints and your dad."

"Okay Parker," I replied, slightly relieved I wouldn't be alone with him all day. I don't recall Booth specifying that I had to be completely alone with him, only that he wouldn't be there, "We'll go whenever you're ready."

"Well before we go," he started, "We have to watch Spongebob. My dad usually watches with me but you don't have to if you don't want to."

"No it's fine Parker," I told him, "I would like to reexamine television shows aimed at children. I need to decide which one's are most educational so if I ever have kids I can make sure they have the best options available."

"Umm, okay Dr. Bones," Parker said, trying to hide his laughter. I realized I must have made a mistake but Parker obviously didn't care so I didn't say anything else.

"So," I said, trying to break the awkward silence I was never aware existed before now, "What is Spongebob?"

Parker proceeded to explain about a sea sponge with all the properties of a kitchen sponge. And the fact that he lives in an undersea pineapple? Absolutely ridiculous, but as a children's television show I could see the appeal.

As soon as the show began, I was outraged. I began to explain to Parker, "This show is not even close to scientifically accurate. That sponge has bilateral symmetry while in real life, sponges are asymmetrical. Also, there is no way that a sea sponge, a squid, and a sea star would live within the same habitat as close as those three do. And the one that really takes the cobbler, a squirrel that lives under water? How idiotic do they think children are?"

Parker looked at me funny once again but instead of placating me and my disbelief he turned back to the television and said, "Cake."

I blinked in confusion and without even turning he continued, "You said it takes the cobbler. I don't know what a cobbler is but I heard my mommy tell my daddy that out of all the stupid things he's done, this one takes the cake."

"Thank you Parker," I replied, not really all that thankful. In fact, I feel that two Booth boys knowing me so well they don't even blink when I mess up a pop culture reference or a well known colloquialism, is an unfair advantage on their part.

"No problem Dr. Bones," he said. We sat in silence for the rest of the cartoon and as soon as it was over, Parker turned to me once again, "So, when do we get to go to the lab?"

"As soon as you're ready," I replied. As soon as I said it, he stood up from the couch and practically sprinted towards the door. I chuckled at his unbridled enthusiasm and met him at my car holding the shoes he had forgotten to put back on. As he put on his sheepish face, I was struck once again with how much he looked like his father.

I started the car and turned to Parker saying, "Put on your seatbelt."

"Don't worry Bones," he replied, "I always remember my seatbelt. Daddy says that if I don't wear it he would have to arrest me!"

I chuckled at the idle threat Booth gave to his child, knowing that Booth would do anything to keep Parker safe, even if it meant lying to him.

We arrived at the Jeffersonian quickly as there was little to no traffic. I parked in my assigned spot and Parker and I went inside.

"What are we going to do Bones?" his excitement quite evident as he bounced around, "Can we look at dead bodies? Do you remember that time I found that finger but dad wouldn't let me have it? Can I have someone else's finger? How cool would it be if I had a real human finger? All the other kids would be so jealous!"

"Parker, if you calm down, I promise I'll let you watch while I identify a body from bone storage," I told him. As soon as I said that he immediately quieted down. I set my purse down in my office and pulled my lab coat on.

"Doctor Bones," he said, "Can I go get my lab coat from your dad? I want to look like a real live doctor, just like you!"

"Of course you can Parker," I replied touched that he wanted to be like me and smiling about the fact that my hardcore FBI agent partners son wanted to be a squint, "I'll take you myself.

On the way to my fathers classroom, we saw Wendell, who apparently was my intern of the week. "Wendell," I said. he turned to me and I continued, "Get me a body out of bone storage. Make sure it's not too gruesome."

"You've got it Doctor Brennan," he said, and hurried off to do as I asked. He really was a good intern. He had more interpersonal skills than all the others and Booth seemed to like him. He and Mr. Nigel Murray were my favorites. I was shaken out of my thoughts when Parker took my hand and pulled me in the direction of the classroom. We walked in and my fathers face lit up.

"Parker!" he exclaimed, "and Tempe! My two favorite people! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"We just came here to get Parkers lab coat," I replied, "He's going to help exhume a body with me today."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" my father asked, "He's only 8."

"Don't worry dad," I replied, "I told Wendell to make sure it isn't too gruesome."

"Okay sweetheart," he replied. Parker had gotten his lab coat so we left but not without my father making me feel extremely awkward.

"Bye Tempe!" he called, "You look really good with Parker, maybe you should think about his father. I always liked him; nicest guy that ever arrested me."

"Goodbye dad," I said resolutely, shooting him a glance that I hope conveyed that we need to have a discussion later.

"What did your dad mean when he said think about my dad?" Parker asked.

"Um, well," I stuttered trying to explain it to him.

"Ohhh," Parker said in response, "I know what he means."

"What does he mean Parker?" I replied, still embarrassed but now with my curiosity piqued.

"One time I asked my daddy why he doesn't have a girlfriend because mommy has a boyfriend and he said that he didn't like any girls and I said you like Doctor Bones and he said the same thing you did," he replied, still skipping along in childlike ignorance of the implications the statement he just made had. Before I could try to stutter out an alternate explanation Parker wrenched his hand from mine and ran off to the platform with me in hot pursuit.

"Parker!" I called as he set off the platforms alarm system. I must say, Parker seems to have inherited his father's athletic ability and while at other times it would be a very good thing, right now it was extremely inconvenient. Luckily enough, Angela was able to subdue him before he caused any damage to the body we had planned on identifying.

"Parker Booth!" I exclaimed at the sheepish looking boy in Angela's grasp, "We never run in the lab!"

"I'm sorry Bones," he said, looking at the ground. My face immediately softened but I still had to punish him.

"I'm sorry too Parker," I replied, "But I think this deserves a 5 minute time out. If you run in the lab you could hurt someone or possibly compromise the remains. Go sit in that chair right there and as soon as it's been 5 minutes I'll allow you to join us."

He looked sullen but did as I asked. I called Wendell over to help find the cause of death. We were talking quietly about what could have done it when I felt a slight tug on my lab coat. I looked down right into the face of Parker.

"Um, I'm sorry to bother you Doctor Bones," he said, "But It's been more than 5 minutes and my daddy says you forget things sometimes when you work so I'm supposed to remind you."

"I'm sorry Parker," I replied, "Your father's right. Would you like to help me examine the bones now?"

"Yes please!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. I smiled and allowed him to look at the bones.

"Can you tell me what these are called?" I asked him pointing at the phalanges.

"Those are the fingers Dr. Bones," he told me proudly.

"That's right Parker," I said, "but do you know the scientific name? The fingers are actually called phalanges."

He giggled slightly and replied, "That's a funny name. What are these called?"

I went on to name the rest of the bones and Parker listened to every word i said. As I was going through my mini anatomy lesson, I thought about how different it was having a Booth that actually listens to me when I talk.

Angela's POV

Bren was so comfortable with Parker it was amazing. I was nervous when I first heard about this arrangement but I should have had more faith in her. I went into my office to call Booth and give him an update.

The phone rang twice before he picked it up saying, "When did she get there?"

"About the same time as usual," I replied, "but Parker was the one that wanted to come. He's helping her out with a limbo case right now."

I heard him sigh on the other end then say, "I can't believe my son wants to be a squint."

"Hey!" I exclaimed offended, "We "squints" aren't that bad."

"You and Wendell are about as normal as it comes for squints," he replied, "Sorry Angela but I have to go. Cullen is kicking my ass with all this paperwork."

"All right sweetie," I said, "I'll talk to you later."

I looked back out at my best friend and Parker and couldn't help but wondering why she didn't want this all the time. When will she finally admit that her and Booth belong together? Only time will tell, but time better hurry up because I can't wait that much longer.

A/N: Okay I apologize for the lateness of this chapter and the suckiness of it. I didn't feel any inspiration for typing it and I've been busy helping out with my sister. Hopefully the next one will go much quicker.


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